


Akashi is the Horse Girl

by daphnerunning



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Crack, Gen, Teikou Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-23
Updated: 2013-09-23
Packaged: 2017-12-27 10:36:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/977753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daphnerunning/pseuds/daphnerunning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the wise Natalie Dee once said, if you don't know the horse girl, you ARE the horse girl. Akashi doesn't know the horse girl.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Akashi is the Horse Girl

**Author's Note:**

> I. I don't know.

“They are, of course, beautiful.”

“Ah.” Midorima raises a ginger hand to the horse’s head. Unlike with Akashi, it doesn’t meekly submit to his touch, but tosses its head about, making him snatch back his fingers in hopes that they’ll avoid becoming horse lunch.

Akashi’s eyes are shining. “Clover is my birthday present. Father said if I memorized every breed of horse I could have one. It only took me an hour.”

Midorima hopes this phase will be over soon. Coming to Akashi’s house was a lot better before they had to go _outside_.

~

“It’s a myth that they only sleep standing up, you know. They can sleep both standing up and lying down.”

“Ah.” 

“While many may believe that humanity is superior for having two hundred and six bones, I believe horses are simply more efficient for being capable of functioning with a mere two hundred and five.”

“Is that so.” Midorima wishes his lucky item were earmuffs today. Unfortunately, it’s a powder-blue cushion.

~

“Laps.”

Midorima’s face falls. “But—”

“Of course we will not be attending an izakaya tonight. They serve horse sashimi.” Akashi stares him down. “Laps.”

~

Midorima is at least 40% sure Akashi is doodling a horse in his textbook. No one else wants to say anything.

~

“Apparently,” Akashi says, voice like ice, “Clover is not allowed in school grounds. I will, of course, be persuading Father to purchase at least the grounds of the school. This level of discrimination will not stand.”

He stamps the ground. If there’s a little whicker in his voice, no one calls him on it. He can see everyone furiously trying to avoid each others’ eyes.

~

“No one is eating enough apples,” Akashi decides, and buys each of them an apple tree. “If they’re good enough for horses, they’re good enough for you. Horses have much more complex digestive systems.”

Midorima shifts uneasily. “Akashi, I—”

“They are also shot if they break a single leg,” Akashi continues, and his eyes open very wide. “As of yet, I am ambivalent on this practice.”

Midorima shuts his mouth.

~

Midorima hadn’t even known there _were_ that many movies about horses.

~

Midorima’s mother places another portion of salmon on his rice, and he eats methodically. “Did you learn anything interesting in school today, Shintarou?”

Midorima’s mind blanks, and he tiredly volunteers, “Horses have been domesticated for nearly five thousand years.”

His parents exchange a look. “Shintarou, there are many _other_ interesting animals. Are you sure you wouldn’t like to put up at least _some_ decorations of them?”

He isn’t allowed to, of course. Akashi gets sort of nervous when he isn’t surrounded by those he considers “people,” which as of late has not included anyone bipedal.

~

“It’s weird,” Kise pleads. “Say something, Midorimacchi!”

“I’m not going to another practice in those fruity clothes,” Aomine mutters. “If he wants to buy us all new outfits he can do it without shitty hip flares, what the fuck.”

“Clover ate my chips,” Murasakibara complains.

Midorima rubs his eyes behind his glasses. 

~

He brings it up.

Akashi makes him apologize to Clover.

~

“Even I think it’s weird, Midorima-kun.”

Kuroko’s blue eyes are huge and solemn. 

“Why is it _my_ job to say something?”

“You’re the only one Clover likes. Maybe she thinks you’re a carrot.”

 ~

“There are about sixty million horses in the world,” he hears Akashi murmuring to his horse in the stables. “That isn’t enough.” 

It’s time to leave the stables.

 


End file.
